i'm not better or more special than anyone, and god knows i'm not saying that other people haven't had it worse, much worse than i did, but when i think about my pre-teen years (and when i imagine what i can't remember before that), it has to be a miracle of some sort that i didn't turn to self-medication. sure there's the obvious issue of the lack of access in our suburban bubble (and if there was, i'd have had no idea how to seek it out), but more than that was probably latent fear of "letting people down", but knowing me, that idea could have pushed me even further out over the edge in a "you can't tell me what to do" pissing match rebellion.
and yet i turned out, for the most part, okay. sure i had my first cigarette when i was 13, but i didn't smoke habitually till, and save that one time when i was 12 i didn't touch alcohol till, college.
you'd think it'd have happened a lot sooner. go figure.