Log in

Born in a bottle rocket

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
6:35 pm - heh
last time i posted was in may. i'd just cancel the whole thing, but there are old entries i'd like to be able to go back and read sometime. so that's that.

(1 comment | comment on this)

Monday, May 16th, 2011
4:32 pm - childhood for sale, part i-lost-track
holy crap, you guys, the farm is for sale!!!!!

i don't even know how many times i've told the stories about that place. the years that the old man painting now in my living room hung on the wall there. snowmobiling in the winter, the summer i spent working there as a groundsman when i was 15 or 16, the time ryan and i drove out and sat on the porch and he played guitar. my first kiss with my first boyfriend happened late one night on the dock on the water course (it's not actually a farm farm so much as a horse-and-carriage competitive course - dad's family has been involved in horse stuff for generations. true story, my great grandfather otto (the one whose dying words were a racist statement) was a horse trainer, and actually owned the original 'silver' from 'the lone ranger' tv show)), and now it's being sold.

sort of mind-blowing. i mean, technically it's not "the farm" anymore - my uncle gary built a house on the property and, when he's in michigan, that's his fulltime residence, so really it's his. but even though the original house is now "the guest quarters" and when we do have family functions there, while still referred to as "the farm," they're at gary's house, it's still in a way "ours."

or at least it was. because it's sold.

(the first picture on the link is the original house with the attached carriage barn. all the interior photos though are of the house gary built (the exterior of which is photo 8) across the driveway. which is just as well, really - i haven't been inside the original house in years, but since it's now the guesthouse, i'm guessing it doesn't look too much the same anyway. also, the front gates are really much prettier in person than in the photos.)

(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011
9:56 pm - seven months later: a retrospective
well i'll be good god damned: the last time i updated this thing was october 16th, 2010. what has happened since then? SO much has happened, and at the same time, how very little.

well let's start where i left off: The Sister Amy and i went to jacksonville to visit mom's grave. it was strange, really, and i tried as hard as i could to be present the whole time, but in retrospect i'm sure i drifted in and out of it some. bill had gotten a flat-on-the-ground stone, and while on one hand i remember that i was disturbed to see the engraved letters and filigree being slowly filled in by sand and leaves, it also felt... right, somehow. the natural progression of things. also of note, i got to see nick and sam for dinner and drinks one night, which helped keep me in my head a great deal.

i had nana interred, and i know now that it was absolutely the right thing to do. i don't go to the cemetery every weekend like i did at first, but i go at least once every two to three weeks. i used to run out of things to say, or feel like i had to say specific things, but i've since... not "made peace" exactly, but... gotten used to things, i guess, so i say whatever is on my mind. and the stone was finally carved last week (seeing it for the first time, i was surprised to find myself feeling happy - i thought it would be jarring, but in reality it was... it solidified things in a way i'd not experienced before, but it was good: she actually has a final permanent resting place. it's as it should be), so it feels like i'm really going to see a person, or the memory of one anyway, and not just a spot of ground.

and what else? i tried dating a guy, but the short version is, chalk another one who, once things get intimate (or at least involved - we were never that intimate), he suddenly isn't ready for a relationship. can i get a whatever? thanks. and then...well, i'm actively on the hunt for a house (i'd settled on either salem, peabody or beverly because i could never in a million years afford to buy in my own neighborhood, i can't afford the western suburbs and i don't like the south shore. plus, salem is cute! i've since then decided on beverly: property values are higher, it's got better waterfront, and downtown is cuter and more sophisticated), even though thus far everything i've seen has had fairly major structural and/or foundational problems and everything i've loved has already been under agreement, but it's a slow process, i don't mind. i also got a car, so i'm driving whenever possible, and just tonight, i graduated college!

and of course, what was my first action as a college graduate? triple pepperoni pizza and an order of cheesy bread, please! c'mon, do you know me? how could you expect anything different!

so i have a car, a degree and soon (i hope), a house. what's next? i'm not sure. dinner plans tomorrow, but that's really where it ends. i bought a bunch of books last weekend that i intend to start reading as soon as possible, i may actually do some writing of my own, and otherwise... well, i might walk home from work more often. what-what graduation yeah!

in other news, that which there is not always or i'd have updated much sooner, for some reason lj took it upon itself to center all of my entries. i have no idea why this is, but if this one is centered, it's not me trying to be an uppity douche - just lj being... well, an uppity douche. cheers!

(9 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, October 16th, 2010
11:45 am - a long time coming
you well know i've had nana bertha's ashes for about two and a half years now, and i've been trying to figure out what exactly would be the right thing to do with them. i'm going down to jacksonville next weekend to visit mom's grave (for the first time in 12 years, which makes me feel on one hand like a terrible son, and on the other like i'm finally doing something right, so... yeah), and The Sister Amy and i thought it would be a mitzvot to have nana's ashes interred with mom. i spent several months going back and forth with the woman who would coordinate that, and in the end, it seems mom's plot isn't big enough to dig anywhere else other than directly on top of mom, and even though they wouldn't be digging all the way down to where the coffin is (was?), i absolutely refuse to disturb the earth on top of her. and there's a mausoleum at a cemetery a couple miles away where they could put the ashes, but that's not quite the same, and anyway they won't do anything without having some sort of ceremony, but they won't have a ceremony on a saturday cuz it's shabbat, and TSA and i are leaving on sunday morning.

so i started investigating other options. i can't have nana interred in pittsburgh with papa jack, cuz he's buried in an orthodox (or at least conservative) cemetery, and since jews aren't supposed to be cremated, they won't allow it. i found out mount auburn cemetery has plots for sale yet, and last weekend i went to walk around and look at the areas where they have available space. i found one that is just about perfect, and i have a meeting set up with the burial director for today at 1:30, and the reality of it is just about now setting in.

nana was... well, you know (or by now should know, and i don't think i have the energy to go into it all again right now) exactly what she meant to me, and i never really had a chance to repay her for that kindness, and it feels like now i finally have that opportunity, but this... this was never how i envisioned it would happen.

i'm sure there are other emotions at play here too, things coming back about mom and the like, and yes, it's played a big part in a smoking relapse, but it's... it's like there's a hole that opens in your chest, you know? a palpable hole that you breathe and you can feel the air hitting the void. the wind blows, and when it hits your body you can feel it hitting against the hollowness.

or maybe you can't feel it at all.

but i'm not numb this time, which i guess is an improvement on my past experiences with mourning. but i definitely feel the heaviness, the weight and reality of it all. i feel like i've had closure with this so many times now - the tattoo, the photos, the ashes themselves - and now i'm having to go through this again. which... is it really supposed to be about me? it should be about nana, shouldn't it? or since she's gone, is it now about my finding closure or experiencing the sadness again? when does it become appropriate to... i don't even know what i'm trying to say.

don't get me wrong - i do feel very good about the situation and about myself for doing this for her. i honestly cannot imagine a more beautiful place to put her as a final resting spot, and it'll be nice to be able to visit her in a way that doesn't involve just walking by the cupboard in the hall between my living room and bedroom, but it's still... when i woke up this morning, i could feel something there, or maybe nothing there, and i wasn't sure if i was compartmentalizing or repressing. now it's become clear that it was just the building of what's here now, that wasn't fully-developed just yet.

don't worry about me - i'm good. this is a positive thing, this... this whatever-it-is - better to feel something than nothing, i think, and as long as i'm feeling something and not pushing it away, that means i'm dealing with it. or at least letting myself feel it.

so yeah. i'm good. or i'll be good. i'm doing right by nana, which is what's most important here, but it's just left me a bit... floundering. i'll find my footing again, i always do. it's just the navigation i'm a little uncertain of right now. maybe it's the Finality of it all. and not just that, but the reality! because i've known she's gone, and i've known that i have her ashes, and i know i have my pictures and my memories, but until now it's been easy enough to forget and go about my day and just live life.

but now it's back out there again, and i have to deal with it. which i know makes it about me again, but maybe that's how it's supposed to be. i still remember when, after mom died, nana told me that "it never goes away, but it gets easier." she was right, both about mom and, as it turns out, about herself. i just have to remember that, yes, it got harder again, but that will pass. and i'm doing the right thing.

hm. first entry since the spring. not quite what i'd planned, but much as i hate the expression, it is what it is.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, May 15th, 2010
6:54 pm - Paul
i said a long time ago (i last posted a long time ago too. and here i'd said i was gonna try to be more frequent. oh life. it's bigger.) that i might occasionally use this space to post bits of my writing. this would be another one of those times.

i'm not saying it's particularly good. i'm also not saying it's not entirely derivative of tao lin's style. but i've been reading a good deal of him since the semester ended, and obviously i had something to be released. anyway.

untitledCollapse )

(comment on this)

Friday, February 12th, 2010
1:08 pm - google streetview in the hometown
finally, google streetview has come to my sundry hometowns! too bad it's hard to get a good angle, but look! the house i was born in!

and here's (sort of) the house i grew up in!

and (again, sort of) mom's house in michigan!

and a quirky house i'd totally forgotten about but used to be in love with! and that one i'm still mad my parents didn't buy with the bomb shelter and secret passage! and the aretha franklin house that's not on *half* the hill i remembered it being!

i can't believe it took as long as it did to get all these images uploaded to google, cuz unless something very strange was going on, these images were captured back around halloween.

(6 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, February 7th, 2010
11:20 am - yup yup
i'm mildly hung over, my throat is a little hurty and my ass is sore. can only mean one thing: morning after swirlychick's birthday party!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, swirlychick!!!!!!!!!!!

(4 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, February 4th, 2010
12:10 pm - behoove
i just remembered the first time i ever heard the word "behoove". i don't remember the exact context, except that it was in my 6th grade art class and i was probably fucking around with something i oughtn't, and mrs. shaw told me that "it would behoove you to not do that".

i had never heard the word before, and thus had no idea what she was talking about, and so thought she'd actually said "it would be hoo of you to not do that".

which still didn't answer what it meant to be "hoo". i mean, i figured it meant something approximating "good", or at least "calm", but that was all i had. it wasn't till somewhere in the middle of highschool that i heard the word "behoove" again and finally put the pieces together.

mrs. shaw was also the first person (and, now that i think about it, the last too) i ever heard use the word "bruhaha". so, you know, go mrs. shaw!

(11 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, January 16th, 2010
12:28 am - on rekindling
alipi was in town this evening, and i just got home from drinks. i can't even describe how great it was to spend time with him. the last time i'd seen him was just over two years ago - he was in town for a wedding, and we walked around cambridge and then got drinks at sister sorel and the living room.

before that, i saw him the day before he moved to nashville maybe something like less than a year earlier.

he had been living in nashville, and when he moved to seattle, i never got his new number. it was my own fault that we'd sort of drifted, and while we're facebook friends, we'd not actually spoken, well, since he was in town that time two years ago.

so tonight we had drinks. and it was immediately comfortable, and made me miss him that much more. which is strange, to miss a person who is sitting right next to you, but there it is. our friendship happened fast: at first he was the guy dating that_cad's friend andy (nee buko, nee abe). but then they broke up, and alipi was friends with tony and suddenly alipi and i were forging our own friendship and while it really only lasted a summer, we became very close very quickly, and then suddenly he moved to nashville and that was that.

so to meet up again... there wasn't even catching up. which some might find odd, but the truth is, it was like we didn't even need to - we met, and started talking and no time had passed. that is what a friend is.

i have no idea when i'll see him next. but i'm already looking forward to it, and missing him like crazy in the meantime.

(comment on this)

Thursday, December 31st, 2009
2:10 pm - decade's eve
if i recall correctly, new years 2000 was the one when bob and i ran down main street, drunk off our rockers and screaming "bram stoker's dracula" quotes at each other, laughing hysterically and, losing grip on the paper bag, smashed a half-full bottle of vodka all over the sidewalk. jeremy and tiffany and paul and i can't even remember who all else, keely and carrie i'm sure and brian maybe, it's all a blur now, were all there at jean's house where we drank beforehand and ran down to the intersection at midnight to watch the ball rise at the hotel.

i remember fireworks (i always remember fireworks), and i remember music and i remember kissing everyone around me. we went back to jean's house and for a good long while i made out with a very long-standing crush and then went downstairs to vomit all over the entry to beyond words bookshop. i remember livia walked by and saw me and i was chipper despite my condition, and at some point i got home and to bed and i woke up the next morning in the first decade of a new century.

i remember that night, and it was so fantastic and fun and just so full of joy, so spilling over with the excitement of life, "alive"ness coursing through our veins. but i also remember who i was back then, a lot of things i don't feel like remembering just now, a lot of things i can't forget regardless of how much i might want to, and yes i was constantly changing back then, but there's only so far you can go when you're already in a ditch of your own digging.

how will we say "2010"? will we call it "two thousand ten"? "twenty-ten"? simply "ten" the way we would have referred to "97" or "85"? the weather has rendered tonight's plans up in the air, so i'm not sure where i'll be when the clock strikes midnight and ushers in a new trick for the tongue. but i do know that, for better or worse, the first decade of the new century was one that fostered betterment and growth. it provided insight and understanding, positivity and clarity, and so regardless of however we might call it, i for one cannot wait to find out what happens next.

happy new year, everybody. you've been a part of me always, and i love you.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, December 26th, 2009
2:00 pm - the fun of online dating
you guys, i haven't posted anything in almost two months now. for me, that is just crazy. and yes, i'm well aware that i've said as much in the last two posts now, but it doesn't seem to be changing matters anyway. i blame constantly-emerging social networking technology.


since i've been dipping my toe a little more intently into online dating (mind you not actually having dates, but at least messaging and keeping things up-do-date), i've decided to create a few rules that i adhere by. for your reading pleasure, i've put them all in one place:

i will not respond to you if*

~you wink at me. it's lazy, and if it's the equivalent of winking in real life, it's also sleazy and cheesy.
~your username involves the word "boi".
~your username involves the word "stud".
~your username involves the word "cock".
~your username involves the word "bro".
~if, at any point in correspondence to me, you address me as "bro".
~your username involves multiple x's or the number "420"
~you make drug references in your profile
~you are looking for an open relationship
~you have a spirit animal
~your username involves the word "warlock".
~your username involves the word "wizard".
~you describe yourself as "chill"
~the words "masc. dude looking for same" appear anywhere in your profile
~the term "lol" appears more than two times in your profile
~you're shirtless/in underwear in more pictures than you're fully (or at least appropriately) clothed
~you're wearing a cloak in any of your pictures
~you're weilding weaponry in any of your pictures
~you're not out to your family

*in no particular order

honestly, i don't think that a list like that makes me too picky. and yet you'd be surprised by how much it limits selections! man, online gays are shady!

in other news, cuz there's always other news (especially when i've not updated in almost two months!), i've been getting back into my writing. i really don't talk about it much because it makes me feel very talking-through-closed-teeth stanley tucci pretentious "yes darling, i'm a writer, don't you know", but it's good to be getting thoughts out again. i've been daydreaming about being published, and frequently have to reel myself in because hi, i just wrote about two and a half pages, which makes the total on my "novel" (such as it is) 13 pages, which is 13 pages over the course of a year, so it's not like i'm exactly plowing away at anything over here.

anyway, as i'm currently at a loss for a writers' salon (if you will), i may post a snippet or two on here from time to time, just to put it in a more public perspective. i'll say now, you're not required to comment on it. it might be helpful if you did, but it's absolutely not required.

an installment just to get myself into it. oh, and just to be clear, neither of them are gay.Collapse )

(11 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
9:40 am - another dream
dreamt last night that i was best friends with leighton meester (mind you, leighton meester - not blair waldorf), and we were out to coffee somewhere and the table of girls next to us, they were all just plotzing, "oh my god is it?" "look who it is" "no way" and me n' leighton just giggled and ran off.

and no, she does not know when the eleanor character might be returning to the series.

in other news, cuz there's always other news, i'm being very patient waiting for the new lady gaga video ("bad romance", introduced to me by jermo (who i actually see now! once a month, sure, but it's more than the every-year-or-two that we'd been averaging!)) to premiere on the lady gaga website.

i'm not a huge gaga fan. despite her affinity for avant-garde couture, i don't like her all that much as a person. her videos have gotten better (compare, from a visual standpoint, "just dance" to "paparazzi"), but her music, for the most part, is blah (and that "disco stick" song is irredeemably awful), however. what i like of hers, i love, because when she's good? she's amazing. and "bad romance" might be her most amazing song yet.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
7:23 pm - wherein umass brings the dramz. again. some more.
y'all ready for some shit? file this one away with the rapidly- and ever-growing collection of things that only happen to me.

so there's a crapload of backstory involving inadvertantly withdrawing and re-enrolling and work schedules and the like, but that's all just leading up to this next thing. so there are two elements at play here. first, all of the high-level english classes have two prerequisites. one of them i got equivalency credit for from the BAC, and i was waived out of the other.

for some reason, despite these credits being in the system, there is a glitch that happens where, any time i try to register for a high-level class, i get an error saying that i am missing pre-reqs, so someone in the english department has to do a manual hold override and enroll me for me. the people in the english department are the only ones who have the authority to do the override of the pre-req block.

now, i was also, as you'll recall, on academic suspension last semester. because of that, i have an academic hold on my account (which will be automatically lifted once my gpa goes back up, which it should at the end of this semester), and so to register for classes, i have to go through a woman in the undergrad education office, and she signs me up for the classes i want. she is the only one who has the authority to override the academic hold.

so where we stand now is, the people in the english department can't enroll me because of the academic hold, but the woman in the undergrad education office can't enroll me because of the pre-req block. now, logically what should happen is that the woman in the undergrad education office would temporarily lift the academic hold so that the people in the english office could do the pre-req override and enroll me in my class, after which the woman in the UE office would reinstate the academic hold.

i've been told to give them a week to figure this out. i'll be surprised if it happens in that short amount of time.

on the upside, and since people have been asking, if everything goes as it ought with the registrations, after spring 2010 i'll only have three, possibly four classes total (two for the major, one spanish and the science credit i'm still fighting to have transferred over)left till i can graduate! so, you know, that's pretty great.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
6:25 pm - feed overload
i'm sorry, did goodbandnames get written up in an article somewhere or something? mostly silent for at least a year and then suddenly in the last day and a half it's exploding.

in other news, cuz there's always other news (huh. haven't said that in a while), the surgery went as planned. my vision is near perfect now, and though my eyes get tired if i stare at something (see: computer screen) for too long, i'm all good! i have to put drops in four times a day for the next week and for the same duration i have to tape protective plastic guards over my eyes to keep from rubbing my eyes in my sleep and *shudder* loosening my flaps, but the covers are surprisingly non-invasive in terms of comfort - it's just that the tape leaves gluey residue on your face that does not come off.

not so fun.

but again, it's only for a week, i'll survive. woot!

(6 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, October 18th, 2009
8:30 pm - my untroubled childhood
i'm not better or more special than anyone, and god knows i'm not saying that other people haven't had it worse, much worse than i did, but when i think about my pre-teen years (and when i imagine what i can't remember before that), it has to be a miracle of some sort that i didn't turn to self-medication. sure there's the obvious issue of the lack of access in our suburban bubble (and if there was, i'd have had no idea how to seek it out), but more than that was probably latent fear of "letting people down", but knowing me, that idea could have pushed me even further out over the edge in a "you can't tell me what to do" pissing match rebellion.

and yet i turned out, for the most part, okay. sure i had my first cigarette when i was 13, but i didn't smoke habitually till, and save that one time when i was 12 i didn't touch alcohol till, college.

you'd think it'd have happened a lot sooner. go figure.

(comment on this)

9:50 am - it's sunday. i'm updating. hey-oh!
am i really never here anymore? this is crazy - i used to have something to say three or four times a day, and now i'm lucky if i get in here to post once every two weeks or so. with the advent of facebook and then twitter, i swore i'd still have things to say beyond the status updates and character limits, but then i just... stopped.

and i'm not okay with that, but i'm not sure how to fix it because i don't want to force it. but i suppose that's my issue to contend with.


catch-up time. you know i didn't buy, and in the near future at any rate will not be buying, a house. i am, however, getting LASIK surgery. tomorrow. and i'm not nervous exactly, so much as... a little ooked out. like, i'm fine with things touching my eyes. mom couldn't deal with anything coming near her eyes, but i'm cool with drops and things, and hell, even during the pre-op consultation they had to test my eyeball pressure (or something) by lightly pressing a blunt point to my eyeball, and sure i got a huge rush of adrenaline followed by a lengthy bout of nervous giggles (i was apologetic because i'm sure the doctor found it creepy, but she just said that, as long as i wasn't running to puke, she was cool with it), but i wasn't horrified.

no, what i'm heebed by is the flap. do you know about this? well, i know danielspice does, cuz he's had the procedure. but for anyone else, it goes like this: they put clamps in to keep your eyes open (like 'clockwork orange', but more sanitary), and then put a round ring thing around your cornea. somehow the ring thing causes suction and it raises up your cornea. at this time, your vision goes grey, which really freaks me out. so then they take the laser and cut most of the way around the ring, creating a "corneal flap."

ladies and gentlemen, i have a new Least Favorite Term Ever. my friend ari told me that i should tell the doctor to please be gentle because i'm afraid my flap will be sensitive, which is funny because it's moderately dirty-sounding, but i'm actually sort of afraid that it will be sensitive! all the material assures me that it will be almost entirely healed back over within five minutes after surgery, but still. freaky-fucking-deaky.

so that's tomorrow. yesterday saw me reading all day to get through the densest book f. scott fitzgerald ever wrote, which i did because i'm awesome, and then i did final revisions for the paper due for my wednesday class and put together the powerpoint presentation for thursday (teaching myself to use powerpoint in the process because woot), finding time in all of that to watch "sorority wars" on lifetime because i have a straight boy crush on lucy hale.

today sees me all day in western mass for OH MY GOD KEELY'S BABY SHOWER ("joyous occasions" are really so much more joyous when she'd been trying to get pregnant for as long as she has and it finally worked! and not that i suddenly like babies (despite being, as some can attest, oddly good with them), but you guys, i'm sorry, baby clothes are so fucking cute)!!!!! then i'm blind for a day and a half, after which i have work on wednesday and then after handing in one paper will come home and write the paper that goes with the book and presentation, after which i'll probably pass out, and now we're up to speed!


(17 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, October 8th, 2009
12:45 pm - spam of late
i've noticed recently that the porn spam in my inbox has been a lot more... descriptive, lately. and in an oddly proper way too. a few days ago, i got one that said "teenage spanking leads to hot teenage sex" (which, do they need to include the second 'teenage'? what other kind of hot sex could teenage spanking lead to?). just now, i got "forced entrance into mom's anus."

it's fun, but it also sorta makes me miss the good ol' days of "hott jzz kocksluuts handbag", you know?

(10 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
7:46 pm - gay marriage
so can i just posit an observation here? what? it's my journal so i can do whatever i want? man, that's tit.

*************no offense intended to any married or engaged gays or to gays who wish they had the option but don't - my journal, my thoughts.****************

so i've been noticing lately that, among the gays i know, a fairly large number of them are engaged, but only three are actually married. and of those three, two are married to each other.

and not only that, but it seems to me that, of the engaged-but-not-married gays, the engagement is happening really quickly after the relationship starts, and maybe it's a case of being too jaded to believe that that many people are just, BAM!, finding true love like a misplaced glove, but i'm starting to feel like it's a status thing more than a love thing. so many other things have been commodified, does this have to be included too?

and yes, you can easily turn around and tell me about the heterosexual weddings that cost more than i'll ever hope to make in my lifetime, and i get that, yes, those sorts of over-the-top weddings can be a status/social thing as much as a love thing, but i'm speaking strictly of the 'engaged' part - it's like the marriage laws were passed, a couple middle-aged gays got married, and then suddenly all the younger guys were just getting engaged.

but never actually getting married. not breaking up, mind you (although some have), but not ever getting married either. or even talking about getting married. i never thought engagement was the stopping place, you know? and maybe this is from the luxury of my blue state that i say this, but it just makes marriage, gay marriage that is, feel a bit cheap. if i get married, i want it to be because i love the guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him - not because it's the new Thing.

hey look - 90210 is on!

(10 comments | comment on this)

Monday, September 21st, 2009
3:03 pm - so that's a No then.
so i got my pre-approval notice, and the verdict is... no.

which is fine, my fingers haven't been crossed in a few days. i mean, i was approved for a rather decent amount, but y'all were quite right: in the end, it was the taxes that put it over the top. the upside is, of course, now i know how much i really do need to make (because while i would use the trusts for the downpayment, the monthly payments would come from my paycheck) at my job for this to become a reality.

and i'm still a bit more than a few years off.

so now i know, no harm no foul, as they say, and we move on! i called my agent to let her know the situation and also to apologize for taking her time on what was to end up a null venture, and she was understanding and i promised to recommend her to anyone i knew who might be in the market (seriously, you guys, she was awesome, and once i'm eventually back in the market (because it's the end of a chapter, not the book), i'm looking her up without hesitation), and... that's that!

anyone have any good (local) LASIK specialist recommendations?

(8 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
6:16 pm - putting my future to the people. also, i want to buy a house.
so i've hinted at it a little bit in my day-to-day life (which, by and large, is where i focus when i'm not on facebook and twitter - i feel like i legit barely update anymore!), but i'm in the process of buying property.

i'd initially fallen in love with a magnificent mid-century modern bi-level (or quad-level, depending on where you're from) deep in the woods in concord, but having only seen pictures of the living room, dining room and yard, i went to the brokers' office (well, a branch - i think the listing agent is actually based out of concord) in cambridge to ask if, before i got my daydream hopes up too high, there were any pictures available of the kitchen, bathrooms or bedrooms. i found out that it didn't matter because not only did the house have a septic tank that'd failed inspection and wasn't up to code and would need to be replaced (hello, expensive and pain in the god damn ass), but even that didn't matter because it'd sold. in the meantime though, i sat down with the agent and we began chatting. i told her all what i was looking for and the like, and before i knew it, she was handing me paperwork with contact info for mortgage agents and the like.


the thing is, and i told her (the agent) as much, if i'm buying a house, i'ma be very specific in my wants, those being: single-family, mid-century modern, walking distance to transportation. not even thinking about my price range, that automatically means i'm in the suburbs somewhere, because what i'm looking for, specifically the mid-century modern bit, simply does not exist in the immediate boston area. i told her that, if nothing is available right now, that's fine - i'm in no hurry to get out of my apartment, so i'll take my time and see what's what, and i'm not going to settle for something i don't actually want.


i got to thinking. i love cambridge. i adore my neighborhood, and much as i may romanticize the rural ideal, i am in school fulltime in dorchester. i work downtown. i can't have an hour commuter rail ride each way every single day. and if there's something going on socially, i want to be able to just get there, not have to worry about train schedules and then take however much longer to actually get there and, if i'm done once the trains stop running, worry about a huge amount of money spent on a cab ride home. so i amended: condo. again i'm being specific because i have the luxury of time: cambridgeport or riverside (the latter of which seems to elicit raised eyebrows - for those familiar with the boston area, it's the section of cambridge between central square and harvard square, on the river side of mass ave) only unless the place is mindbogglingly amazing, it's gotta be rough, funky, have that DIY feel with odd windows and rough-hewn beams and the like, and i know these places do exist because i've seen them, so it's really just a matter of waiting for something to come on the market.

i've spoken to a mortgage broker, and have begun assembling the sundry requisite papers to send off for my pre-approval. talking to the broker though, despite the trusts, the fact remains that i make less than $40k a year, and i very well may not be able to be approved for more than $200k. which, even with a considerable downpayment, is still not enough for a two-bedroom (right, that's the other condition) condo in cambridgeport or riverside.

so i got to thinking some more. it's been a while since i'd last, so i'd like to do something nice for myself. and if i get turned down for a mortgage or offered less than would actually be useful, i may well get LASIK.

but i'm feeling insecure about honestly torn on which would be the better option, so here i am, looking for your thoughts. hello.

Poll #1458057 for the love of public opinion

which is a better investment?

buying a condo
getting LASIK

(23 comments | comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page